Are you an exploder or suppressor? Or do you take things in stride? Are you the type to be blinded with rage or do you have stomach problems, back pains or headaches? Can anger ever be good? Yes! In her book, “The Artist’s Way,” Julia Cameron says anger is a fuel, meant to be listened to and acted upon-not acted out. Ask yourself, “What is my anger really trying to tell me?” Feeling angry is not usually the problem. How you deal with anger may be. Count to ten and then read the following 10 Tips on ways to manage this
1. Put a Lid on It
Whether you are an “exploder” or “internalizer” the first thing to do is breathe. If you are an exploder, control your reactions by removing yourself from the situation to regain your composure. This will be really hard especially if you feel your anger is justified. Based on your interpretation, your feelings are always right. Your reactions may not be.
2. Or… Let it Out
If you tend to be an “internalizer,” pay attention to your feelings and imagine how you would like to respond. Take a walk. Talk to someone safe. Bottled-up anger is not good for your health.
3. Recognize Your Triggers
Are you triggered by external events like traffic or specific people? Or rather, by internal factors that come from worrying or being anxious? Start a journal about what annoys you. See if there is a trend.
4. Identify Your Feelings
Anger is often a mountain sitting on top of a molehill. Look to see which emotion got buried or denied under that raging mountain. Were you actually feeling rejected, afraid, hurt, lonely, frustrated, or some other emotion before going into anger mode?
5. Acknowledge Your Feelings
Accepting that you have these more vulnerable emotions is not easy. Especially when anger can feel momentarily empowering. But accepting these difficult emotions is more honest and true to yourself and may help you understand the root cause of what makes you angry. The following tip can help you deal more effectively with these feelings.
6. Challenge Your Interpretations
Anger and other “negative” emotions often result from messages you feed yourself. Do you tend to “awfulize” situations, thereby escalating your emotions? Challenge your negative interpretations and seek alternative conclusions. Intense negative emotions should subside.
7. Learn Best How to Communicate
When someone has hurt your feelings or upset you in some way, tactfully let that person know. Start sentences using words like “I felt… when you said…” rather than “You said… and it made me really mad.” Hear the difference?
8. Establish Healthy Boundaries
If you let someone step all over you, it is going to make you mad. Become more assertive by teaching people how you would like to be treated. Point out to them what is bothering you. They may not know.
9. Use Humor
If someone persistently irritates you, come up with a clever nickname or ridiculous cartoon character they remind you of. Conjure up that image when you come in contact with him or think of her.
10. Reconsider Your Expectations
Are your standards and expectations of yourself and others too high? Do you think life should always go your way? Remember the serenity prayer. “Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.”
