Do you have a violent temper? Do you explode at the drop of a hat? Are you always shouting at your children? Do you continually feel frustrated? Do you constantly swear at drivers on the road? Do you sometimes think that you never used to be like this? If you answered yes to any of these questions then welcome to my world. Unfortunately anger is far too common these days. How often do we read about celebrities in court who have been ordered by the judge to take anger management courses? Maybe I should start a class!
I used to be one of those people too but by talking to support groups and researching the internet, I have learned to control it. It takes commitment, dedication, motivation and discipline to change a behaviour but the results are worth it. The steps below work but my advice is to always seek medical advice from a professional first. Not only will they have your historical records to hand but they will also be able to recommend reputable therapists and psychiatrists locally who can assist.
The first step is to write down the situations that make you angry. There may be many and some will probably be trivial but it’s important to know the triggers before you can cope with them. This is the same process that addicts have to go through before they can start their recovery. Self awareness, acceptance and honesty draws a line under the beginnings of change.
The second step is to practice self control. Think of a recent scenario that resulted in anger and write down what the outcome was. Now imagine that you had handled it differently and that instead of lashing out, you had counted to ten. Write down the probable conclusion if this method had been adopted and then compare both results.
The third step is to decide which option would have had the more positive effect; hopefully this will be the latter. Now write down the benefits of choosing this alternative course of action. This should include health, a sense of control and any other reasons you can think of. What we are trying to do here is train the mind by using repetition therapy. By following this example again and again and by writing it down, you are telling the brain how you should react and why? Eventually it should become another habit but with the desired outcome.
You now have the template to control your anger but the fourth and final step is the test. The next time a situation arises and you find yourself welling up inside, count to ten and think things through before acting on your impulses. If you fail then do not give up, go back to step one and try, try, try again. This is a work in progress and takes time; it is not an overnight, quick fix.
